This is a letter written by a Union soldier, Major Sullivan Ballou, to his wife, Sarah, a week before his death at the Battle of Bull Run:
"July 14th, 1861
My very dear Sarah,
The indications are very strong that we shall move in a few days - perhaps tomorrow. Lest I should not be able to write again, I feel impelled to write a few lines that may fall under your eye when I shall be no more.
I have no misgivings about, or lack of confidence in, the cause in which I am engaged, and my courage does not halt or falter. I know how strongly American Civilisation now leans on the triumph of the Government, and how great a debt we owe to those who went before us through the blood and sufferings of the Revolution. And I am willing - perfectly willing - to lay down all my joys in this life to help maintain this Government, and to pay that debt...
Sarah, my love for you is deathless... and yet my love of Country comes over me like a strong wind and bears me irresistably on to the battle field.
The memories of the blissful moments I have spent with you come creeping over me, and I feel most gratified to God and to you that I have enjoyed them so long... I have, I know, but few and small claims upon Divine Providence, but something whispers to me - perhaps it is the wafted prayer of my little Edgar, that I shall return to my loved ones unharmed. If I do not, my dear Sarah, never forget how much I love you, and when my last breath escapes me on the battle field, it will whisper your name."
Monday, December 27, 2010
Tuesday, December 07, 2010
The longest run
After the Sundown debacle in May 2009, demons appeared, casting doubts to fall before my feet.
Running is intertwined with my sense of well-being. Since that black day, I have been building up my bruised confidence. I whispered a goal to myself - to complete one more marathon and make a total comeback.
A series of 10k runs through the year was achieved. Crossing the finishing line in those races added a measure of confidence within me - that my back could withstand the pounding.
The final month leading to the SCMS was derailed by a succession of bacterial infections. The antibiotics were strong and I was forced to rest. My running programme became impossible to follow, and worse still - physically I did not feel robust.
Though this marathon isn't my first, yet on the eve of the marathon, my nerves were fraying. Setting a target time was impossible, because I did not know for sure if I could even last the distance.
So I prayed. I prayed for health, and the wisdom to know - during the race - if I could press on to finish the race, or to be courageous enough to bow out if my body cannot handle the rigour.
I turned up at the start line, under the glittering Xmas lights on Orchard Road. In the midst of the countless runners, I kept my thoughts above the incessant chatter.
Thoughts ran clearly through my head - take it easy, enjoy the marathon, this is your chance for redemption.
Filled with optimism - having self-talked my way into a confident position - I took on the race.
By the 7km mark, my running came to a shuddering halt. This is the price for falling sick in November. Regardless, I kept moving.
The hours were long. As dawn broke, and the sun became scorching, I refused to wither. In fact, the more I became laid back - the better I felt.
This marathon is not one for me to set PBs or outdo my previous performance. The only success indicator for me is this - to complete the 42km without feeling any damage from my back.
A sense of euphoria overwhelmed me when I crossed the finish line. My body, though racked with creaking muscles and pulsating blisters - felt fine. There was a backache - but nothing more. In this I rejoiced. The medal & the t-shirt were just a bonus.
Most importantly - now I know I can do it. Hopefully, this will spur me on to continue running in the coming years.
For now, it is time for a well-deserved rest. In my current school, I have nothing but gratitude and thanks for all the goodness I have experienced. Next year will come with it new challenges, but I am certain that they can be overcome.
For my ex-students in Fajar, you are very much in my thoughts. I hope you are all doing fine.
To the Peer Leaders & Basketball players - continue to be a blessing and inspiration to the people around you. The School has taught you well - whether it is through leadership camps, basketball training sessions or day-to-day lessons - so you must be like living waters, and impart those positive values to your juniors and peers.
Finally, a quote that never fails to stir me up:
"Our greatest glory is not succeeding, but rising every time we fall."
Running is intertwined with my sense of well-being. Since that black day, I have been building up my bruised confidence. I whispered a goal to myself - to complete one more marathon and make a total comeback.
A series of 10k runs through the year was achieved. Crossing the finishing line in those races added a measure of confidence within me - that my back could withstand the pounding.
The final month leading to the SCMS was derailed by a succession of bacterial infections. The antibiotics were strong and I was forced to rest. My running programme became impossible to follow, and worse still - physically I did not feel robust.
Though this marathon isn't my first, yet on the eve of the marathon, my nerves were fraying. Setting a target time was impossible, because I did not know for sure if I could even last the distance.
So I prayed. I prayed for health, and the wisdom to know - during the race - if I could press on to finish the race, or to be courageous enough to bow out if my body cannot handle the rigour.
I turned up at the start line, under the glittering Xmas lights on Orchard Road. In the midst of the countless runners, I kept my thoughts above the incessant chatter.
Thoughts ran clearly through my head - take it easy, enjoy the marathon, this is your chance for redemption.
Filled with optimism - having self-talked my way into a confident position - I took on the race.
By the 7km mark, my running came to a shuddering halt. This is the price for falling sick in November. Regardless, I kept moving.
The hours were long. As dawn broke, and the sun became scorching, I refused to wither. In fact, the more I became laid back - the better I felt.
This marathon is not one for me to set PBs or outdo my previous performance. The only success indicator for me is this - to complete the 42km without feeling any damage from my back.
A sense of euphoria overwhelmed me when I crossed the finish line. My body, though racked with creaking muscles and pulsating blisters - felt fine. There was a backache - but nothing more. In this I rejoiced. The medal & the t-shirt were just a bonus.
Most importantly - now I know I can do it. Hopefully, this will spur me on to continue running in the coming years.
For now, it is time for a well-deserved rest. In my current school, I have nothing but gratitude and thanks for all the goodness I have experienced. Next year will come with it new challenges, but I am certain that they can be overcome.
For my ex-students in Fajar, you are very much in my thoughts. I hope you are all doing fine.
To the Peer Leaders & Basketball players - continue to be a blessing and inspiration to the people around you. The School has taught you well - whether it is through leadership camps, basketball training sessions or day-to-day lessons - so you must be like living waters, and impart those positive values to your juniors and peers.
Finally, a quote that never fails to stir me up:
"Our greatest glory is not succeeding, but rising every time we fall."
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