Fallen hopes?

"Guys, I've got news for you!"

Jessica got our attention.

"Max and I have applied for a flat already!"

We clapped and congratulated her. "Details, we want details," we urged her.

Dinner with this group of friends is never boring, especially during this particular occasion on Tuesday evening at Curry Favor, which serves Japanese curry.

The tempo was positively buzzing. Earlier, another girl in the group was sharing with us how her boyfriend knelt down in front of her and proposed, in front of friends and relatives.

She was gushing as she shared, and her fiance was eager to add in parts that she missed out.

And it's beautiful, the story of their proposal.

But for Jessica, a shadow lurked behind her joy.

The reason was, we knew the boyfriend hadn't proposed yet. Nonetheless, they had applied for the flat together first.

It did not sit down well with my spirit. Surely, this is not the proper order of things; it is not a logical procession of events.

Isn't it supposed to be like this: the man proposes first, and the lady accepts. Then they sit down and look for homes together.



So we asked Jessica, what's the next step? Is Max going to propose?

She shakes her head in a resigned manner.

She said, "I'd better not keep my hopes too high. I might get too disappointed."




How I wish I could help. My wife looked at me. Max and I are friends, but I know what he is like. He is headstrong, and I am not surprised that he has channelled his energies into his career, and he even juggles work and a part-time course in the evenings.

But I am loathe to judge him and criticise him. For I am not in his shoes and I certainly do not know how their relationship is really like. Max has his own qualities which I do admire too. For example, he is disciplined and once he knows what he wants to achieve, he will plan his way and take concrete steps to achieve it.

Some of the girls on the dinner table turned to me and said, "Ken, you gotta tell Max how to treat a lady! Tell him he's got to propose!"

Now this poses a dilemma to me. Do I even have to tell Max? Even if I need to, how should I put it across to him? Here's Jessica telling us how much she yearns for a proposal that is long overdue, and is Max oblivious to it?

I do not know what to do, but my inclination towards this matter is to let Jessica communicate to Max about this. There is very little justification for me to step in. After talking with my wife about this, on the drive home later in the evening, we did concur that it is certainly an issue which both of them will need to resolve.

The very next day, during my English class with 3e3, I shared with them about this issue. I turned to the guys in the class, and declared to them that they have to get this matter straight: you always propose first before you look for a home together with your partner.

It's interesting, that in my English lessons with 3e3 and 3e5, we do touch on matters of the heart. A constant theme in my English lessons is the importance of gentlemanly conduct in relationships. The teaching of chivalrous behaviour is notably lacking in schools these days. In my daily classroom teachings, I try to include bits and pieces of how to behave chivalrously. I believe that the guys need to hear it, and I also want the ladies in my classes to be aware of the high standards of courtesy they deserve to get from the boys.

Indeed, if a young man accords the proper respect and dignity to people around them (not just to ladies), he will stand out from the rest and become different from the other ordinary lads in a very refreshing way!