Friendships that rise and ebb with time

I was shifting uncomfortably in my chair.

Seated around me at the dinner table were friends, who used to be very familiar with me.

Notice the past tense.

A year ago, we would banter easily, ask each other out for meals, sit down together for a chat after a hard day's work.

Sharing our sorrows and joys had cemented the friendships that we shared.




However, some months ago, once I heard that some of them would be shifting to a place further away, I could not help but feel somewhat uneasy about it.

I realised that it meant less opportunities for us to meet up. It would no longer be just a case of popping to my desk and having a quick chat. The sheer distance would grant us fewer chances to see each other.

In spite of this, I made reasonable attempts to pop over to them, whenever I could, to have a word with them. I'd ask them about their day, chat with them about the high and low points. Even when they were ill, I'd drop in the sms and tell them to take care.

I'd still do all these, even when my work became more demanding over the course of time, and consumed more and more of my energies and time from the office.

But my fears still came to pass. Our conversations became rarer. Sometimes, I'd only see them once or twice a week. Sometimes, a whole week would go by without saying a word to them, simply because our respective work duties took us away from the common office that we shared. We simply met no more, except in sporadic instances.




To be fair, there is one or two of them who also worked as hard as me to keep the friendship going. Whenever we meet, it wouldn't just be me who would take the initiative to ask, "How are you?" Sometimes, these people asked me back the same question, and I'd think to myself, "That's nice."



I think my notion of having a proper conversation doesn't simply have to revolve around gossip, complaints about colleagues, mundane jokes and other superficial issues.

It's about asking the other person, "How are you?" I believe that this question opens up possibilities and whenever I ask that sort of question, I'd like to think that I'm genuinely interested in the life of the other party and finding out how's life been good or tough on him or her.


I've met many people in my journey of life, and I'm glad to say that I've had the pleasure of meeting some who are simply a joy to talk to. One hallmark of such people, I must say, is that they make it a point to ask about your life - and we can have a heartfelt conversation that transcends the mundane and superficial matters of the world.

On the other hand I've also met people that I simply cannot connect with. It's fine, of course. It's completely unrealistic to expect myself to get along with everybody I meet. But I certainly won't bother myself nor worry unneccessarily if I have nothing to say. No need for pretensions. If there's nothing to say to that person, I'll just leave it as it is.




And so, over at the dinner table yesterday evening, I found it difficult to talk. Yes, there were humourous jokes, words exchanged to and fro, smiles all around between the others seated at the same table as me. But in such a large company of people, paradoxically, it became even harder for me to talk.

Having too many people, I have learnt, diminishes that chance of having a meaningful conversation with that one or two persons.

I am not convinced that many people would understand this.




My stand is this: friendships takes both parties to work at it in order for it to blossom and enrich the lives of both. Distance should never be an issue if both takes extra measures and a little bit of time and initiative to communicate with each other and to say 'Hi, how are you?'

That means a lot.

The absence of communication, on the other hand, can cause a friendship, no matter how strong, to crumble into ruins.