About what it should have been

The past few days haven't been very illuminating for me.


I cannot deny that the release of the O Level results kept my mind preoccupied for a great part of the week. My confidence rose and ebbed like the waves. It was always going to be tough to reject many colleagues and students who made morale-sapping comments like, "We're not gonna do well this year."



Anyway, I was glad to have Miss Kum by my side to give out the results slips to 4e5. We were very happy to see you in the hall. I wonder how have you been? I could not speak to all of you, as the Hall proceedings was really highly strung and emotional. It was hard to remain stoic under such circumstances.



To 4e5, I wish you all the best in your future endeavours. Your future remains bright, as long as you believe in yourself and think clearly about what you want to do. Some decisions are going to be difficult to make, but you must never be indecisive.


To those who are pleased with your results, well done. I believe that consistent hard work pays off, and in this case, I affirm this to be true, when I saw some of your results. The journey ahead will prove to be even more challenging and tricky, but just as you have succeeded before, you will also succeed in the future, so long you stay true to the values of diligence and hold fast to positive work ethic.


Some of you may be upset or bitter with your results. Some others might feel nothing in the immediate moments upon receiving your result slip. But the hammer falls hard, sometimes hours later, sometimes the very next morning, and the realisation dawns that you could have done better.


Regrets need not haunt you forever. Consider your options, and submit to the wrath of yourself and your parents.

But you need to move on. You need to make decisions - fast.

Stop playing the blame game.



Bounce back. This is the best way. Be resilient.

You can still get back onto the successful path. Do a reflection, find out how you can manage your time better next time.


Your self-confidence must never be diminished.




I will miss 4e5. We will all meet each other again. I know this for sure!





Another matter also hit me, like a sledgehammer, when I was still caught up in the tense moments of releasing the O Level results to my students.

My coach texted me to give an update on my boys' match against Nan Hua High School.

We lost by 3 points.


That was a blow that really hurt.


From then onwards, it became so much harder to retain that positive smile, when this result weighed like an anvil on my heart.



How I wished that the match could have been held on another day, so that I would fulfil both desires - to issue out the O Level results personally to my form class, and to be present (as I always want to) at this crucual match.





And as if the day couldn't seem to get any worse, it did.

In the evening, I went for the 1.5km swim trial at Yishun SAFRA, where I had to complete 30 laps under 40 minutes, in order to participate in the Biathlon that I have signed up for.

While I am very comfortable with running and sports games, I have never been an able swimmer.


My inexperience counts heavily against me. I rarely swim, and the last 2 swims happened in 2007, and that was during the Triathlons. Even then, it was only 750m in the choppy waters. I foolishly thought that the 1.5km swim in the calm waters of the swimming pool would be a piece of cake.


At my 26th lap, the instructor told me to hurry up. I sped up my breaststrokes, and kicked harder. I was not spent, but stamina cannot increase one's speed.


When I touched home, the instructor showed me the timing on his clipboard - 41 minutes.



Normally, I would be undeterred. I would tell myself, "Ken, it's not a problem. Just try it again."



But the day has been hard on me, emotionally, mentally and physically. I am emotionally spent, after Results day and the match result.


I just picked up the towel and walked off to the changing room.





The mood has hardly improved, though days have passed. Sometimes, I think to myself, "Could I have done more to push 4e5?"


This question, perhaps, will never be answered.